if only i could go back and do it again...

From the good fellas at viva el birdos, a post spurred by the nostalgia of holiday emotions:
The central tragedy of human life, I believe, is that we only get one chance at it. We never learn anything early enough to put it to good use; life lessons always come too late to do anything but regret them.

I really like this bit. I know it's a pretty obvious concept and one that my Dad always drills into me (regarding how the grades you get are set in stone), but the way he puts it captures the sad essence of life. Another common saying is live life with no regrets, but that to me is borderline impossible. There are always going to be things in your past you could have acted/done better on, and it's important to remember and learn from these mistakes. People always learn their lesson much more effectively from trying and failing at something rather than someone warning them about it.

Edit: This makes it seem like I have a ton of regrets, and that's not what I was trying to get across. More just that we should really appreciate our chances ahead of us, because you can't go back and mulligan.

Hope everyone had a very merry christmas.

winter...2008 pre-christmas on 3... BREAK

I realized I miss reporting on the little things in my life. So what follows is pretty much what you would read in a diary of a 9 year old OR one of those recap christmas card letters updating everyone on how the person's year went. Except only for a week of winter break.

Winter break is more than one third over and I can't really say I've accomplished a whole lot. However, chilling, relaxing, kickin it etc has been excellent.
I saw Slumdog Millionaire with Amrit, Peli, and Sean Rich. It was definitely a good movie. The more I think about it the more I like it. I kind of had massive expectations coming in, and immediately afterwards I was slightly dissapointed, but I think I would like it a lot more after seeing it again. The actress who played Latika was also perfect. Not just that she was gorgeous, but she also fit the role perfectly. Like Nick and Norah was a good movie too, but Kat Dennings did not quite fit her role perfectly. Not sure why.
I also got together with Issac and Michael and my brother to make a holiday music video for youtube. It was good to collaborate with Mr. Pao's harmonizing/accompanying skills again, and somewhat gratifying to finally be able to incorporate my brother. As for Mwen... we had some valiant attempts... (our desperate cry for a singer is growing louder. Please, someone out there, save us. you will gain immortal youtube fame. except not.)
I got to catch up with some publications related buds and church related friends as well. This may not be manly or whatever, but I really enjoyed just chatting and catching up on each other's lives, as well as the inevitable strolls down memory lane. Catching up with people and commencing in these activities is probably the highlight of my break.
UCI basketball continues its losing ways. I miss Patrick Sanders. And even though he's not doing enough this year, I will miss Kevin Bland as well. Can someone put a picture of Zach Atkinson next to the definition of 'bust' in the dictionary? At least there's Eric Wise, Recognize...
Christmas shopping has been sparse so far and uncomplete, but I am glad I spotted that Elton John deluxe DVD. Who would have thought they still carried those eh?
Ranger is still difficult. He still kind of bites at people, which is always encouraged by my sister's delighted laughter because he protects her. This is not a good development in my opinion.
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum What's wrong with me? I am ridiculously addicted to "Disturbia" and "Hot N' Cold". I realize this is highly embarassing but those songs are just too catchy.
I am a strong supporter of the notion that you always kind of like someone (or wouldn't mind getting in a relationship with someone). But I haven't felt this love interest lacking since AP Chem took over my life. Actually I have to take that back. I haven't felt this far away from getting into a relationship since I just got to San Diego in 8th grade. This may seem kind of sad, and I'm sure I would have felt that way a couple years ago. But now I'm doing fine with those circumstances.
On a more legit musical note (get it? har har), I'm really liking Muse and Keane right now. To the members of those bands: please let me join you guys. Or at least get the cool British accent. Also liking Kansas. I think I have to admit a full on weird affliction towards cheesy 70's rock and roll. Chicago, Styx, and now Kansas... I should move back to rural Tennessee.
I really want to have my own sports column next year. What do y'all think about writing like this for it?

pulling the string

As soon as December hit, I have been wishing for finals to be over. Now that they are, I look back and can't even remember how December has gotten this far. How is it already half over?!

I think Dave Gibbons was dead on when he said that too often in life we get from point A to point B and have no recollection of how we got there.

All I remember is a gradually expanding stress, until at the end I was just sitting in my room the whole day (or at the library). Plus Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Shawshank Redemption.
I hope this blog helps me remember my days better. What's the point of even going through all those trials and tribulations/joys and triumphs, if you can't remember them afterward.

Forward Motion

First off, there's nothing quite like being home for the holidays. I realize that sounds like a cross between an airline commercial tagline and a slightly obscure christmas song, but I couldn't help but grin coming back home for winter break, knowing that the next 3 weeks or so were going to be pretty nice. I also realized how blessed I am to be able to drive the short one hour from Irvine to San Diego with music blasting and a good friend to be singing with. A Christmas-decorated house and loving family to return to.

That being said, finals were miserable. I mean they are never fantastic but this year it was even worse because I was in a lame duck situation with classes I wasn't continuing in next quarter.
But now that they're over... I feel incredibly refreshed.
It's like the old chapter in my life is closed, and I'm really excited to have this new direction in life. I am not dreading my upcoming classes for once, and at least right now, I'm extremely excited about the things I'm pursuing.

Of course, every new quarter, I always tell myself that this one's going to be different. I am going to improve. Boost that GPA, fill out that frame, etc etc. But there was no substance behind the initiative. I would really want to change, but I would have no concrete methods to carry this change out. Instead, it would be this vague general pressure I put on myself to improve. It would last 3, 4 weeks, to the first round of midterms max. Then it would fade again, and it became this vicious cycle.
Coming out of a tough end of summer, this fall quarter was one of those quarters mentioned above. Instead, I ended up lamenting "this quarter sucks!" a lot.
I'm not saying it was a complete failure. I did start several things that I wanted to do. However, this winter quarter is when I feel more equipped than ever to overcome this vicious cycle. Not only do I plan on carrying out a couple methods physically (opposed to just mentally here and there), the entire aura of my classes have changed. This winter quarter is when I finally stop wavering on life in general, and beat my indecision. This is the quarter that I quit being afraid to follow my passions.

Forward motion, it's harder than it seems. May this post serve as a reminder to myself of a permanent energy and motivation, dedication and determination.

blackberries

I had a thing of blackberries for dessert today. After eating a couple, I decided to sprinkle some sugar on top. Still slightly wet from my dousing of water to clean off any unwanted pesticides, the hefty dose of sugar I liberally dumped melted beautifully together with the plump berries. I slowly lifted the main berry of choice above my mouth, positioning it in such a way that all of the sugar would hit my tongue first, so that the instantaneous burst of sweetness would be at its maximum.

It was salt.

Sputtering to the sink, I tried to spit out the overpowering...saltiness as fast as I could. Still, the berries were quite sweet enough without any added sugar afterwards.

Funny how that works out.

what mario kart inspires...

the good and the bad: expectations (vol I)

-When you have a coupon or find a deal at a store, and upon getting to the cashier, they tell you the coupon is actually good for the deluxe package, not just the basic package, or that the price is an additional 30% off the listed price, which is already on sale. So instead of getting it for 10 dollars when it is normally 25, you now get it for 7 dollars.

-When you ask for oreo cookies-n-cream topping on ice cream, and it consists only of the black cookie, and none of the white icing. So dissapointing. Kind of like going to a baseball stadium and just touring it without an actual game going on. You want to be happy because its something you love, but it's missing the key component, so all the enjoyment is just ruined.