People who love community destroy it. People who love people create community wherever they go. -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Sunday, September 22, 2013
creating community
Thursday, September 5, 2013
you've got a friend in me
As I am currently immersed in the struggle that is finding a job (among other struggles), I've had to do a lot of self-reflection about how to stand out, how to be exceptional, and/or how to wow the interviewer in order to land one of those few coveted offers.
It's a tough situation. Everyone has similarly outstanding credentials, most everyone has the ability to carry conversation without being overtly awkward, and everyone has the mental acumen to do the job if they were given the opportunity. So, it ends up being some hidden little thing that makes someone stand out. Which is hard to stomach.
This thought process led me to thinking about what makes someone special to me as a friend (special friend has a different connotation). I quickly realized that it usually wasn't because they were exceedingly good at some thing. Whether it be a brilliant intellect, amazing athletic ability, virtuoso musical talent, or amazing sense of humor (although this does help), none of these things would automatically draw me to want to be especially close friends with someone.
I thought about it some more, and I realized that many qualities of being a particularly good friend derived from some completely intangible quality, with tangible traits that just about anyone could provide. Common interests obviously help the cause, just because you naturally have more to talk about. Being like-minded in terms of beliefs or what's generally right or wrong also helps. But when it comes down to it, the ability to enjoy each other's company and conversation is a very intangible thing that is hard to quantify. Why do you enjoy Friend X's company? "Because we click." "Because we just get along." "Because they're fun to be around." All somewhat indistinguishable statements that could describe any friendship.
Then, it hit me. Once that certain level of "getting along well" and "enjoying each other's company" requirement is set, what makes a friendship truly special is that person's willingness to be there for you. When you're down, and need to take solace in a familiar face. When you're overjoyed, and want to celebrate the occasion. Your friend is that someone who roots for you at all times, hopes for nothing but the best, and yet sticks by you when you've messed up or things haven't gone your way. Truthfully, just about anyone has the ability to do those things. Most all of us are not TRULY special in terms of some amazing and rare gift. Instead, it's the little things like loyalty, security, comfort, companionship and shared memories that make a friendship truly special.
It's a tough situation. Everyone has similarly outstanding credentials, most everyone has the ability to carry conversation without being overtly awkward, and everyone has the mental acumen to do the job if they were given the opportunity. So, it ends up being some hidden little thing that makes someone stand out. Which is hard to stomach.
This thought process led me to thinking about what makes someone special to me as a friend (special friend has a different connotation). I quickly realized that it usually wasn't because they were exceedingly good at some thing. Whether it be a brilliant intellect, amazing athletic ability, virtuoso musical talent, or amazing sense of humor (although this does help), none of these things would automatically draw me to want to be especially close friends with someone.
I thought about it some more, and I realized that many qualities of being a particularly good friend derived from some completely intangible quality, with tangible traits that just about anyone could provide. Common interests obviously help the cause, just because you naturally have more to talk about. Being like-minded in terms of beliefs or what's generally right or wrong also helps. But when it comes down to it, the ability to enjoy each other's company and conversation is a very intangible thing that is hard to quantify. Why do you enjoy Friend X's company? "Because we click." "Because we just get along." "Because they're fun to be around." All somewhat indistinguishable statements that could describe any friendship.
Then, it hit me. Once that certain level of "getting along well" and "enjoying each other's company" requirement is set, what makes a friendship truly special is that person's willingness to be there for you. When you're down, and need to take solace in a familiar face. When you're overjoyed, and want to celebrate the occasion. Your friend is that someone who roots for you at all times, hopes for nothing but the best, and yet sticks by you when you've messed up or things haven't gone your way. Truthfully, just about anyone has the ability to do those things. Most all of us are not TRULY special in terms of some amazing and rare gift. Instead, it's the little things like loyalty, security, comfort, companionship and shared memories that make a friendship truly special.
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