Isn't it nice to know... that we're goldennnn

After getting by the three-headed serpent, you and Phineas feel immensely relieved. As the chocolate monkeys scream euphemisms, Phineas worriedly looks your way. "What do we do now?" he says, with a tired look. He hasn't been getting much sleep these days, and he looks the part. Suddenly, a phantom pterodactyl swoops by while a hidden cave door swings open simultaneously. The Phinster's eyes widen at the sight of such a cliche mystery movie gimmick and an extinct dinosaur appearing by his head at the same time. Before you know what to do, Bigfoot suddenly stomps by, with a shady photography lense mysteriously cast over him at all times. Phin, overwhelmed by the bizarre sequence of events, starts to hyperventilate. Oh no. To explore the dark tunnel behind the hidden door, turn to page 52. To chase after the mythical creature in an attempt to appear in the National Inquirer, turn to page 19. To find the nearest paper bag for Phineas, turn to page 26.

Page 52
You decide to go down the tunnel in an effort to be like Scrooge McDuck in your favorite childhood film. All of a sudden, Anteater Ballpark appears to your left, with its newly christened Cicerone Field looking all nice and professional. You squeeze into the new bleachers, when your friend Amy decides to try and set the record for shortest stay at a baseball game, lasting half an inning. However, Annie promptly shatters that record by staying at the ballpark for 10 seconds before departing, a stint that will truly stand the tests of time. Despite being surrounded by UCLA fans and associated parents, the game turns out to be epic. Kyle Knee-key shocks the college baseball world by striking out 8 in 4.1 innings of relief, while the 'Isch proves that you can be gangly and lanky and still hit home runs. The game heads into extra innings, when the Bruins burly first basemen crushes a home run, devastating the chants of UCI and random zot zot zot's. However, the scrappy Anteaters do what they do best... scrap. Tommy Reyes hits a one out double, forcing the Bruins to be all dramatic and bring in their best starting pitcher, Gerrit Cole, a first round draft pick out of high school, to try and Randy Johnson it up. Reyes manages to move to third on a groundout to Cole, but then the Anteaters appear to fall short when Ronnie Shaeffer grounds out routinely to the UCLA shortstop, son of former major leaguer Mike Gallego. However, he amazingly bobbles the ball, and the game is tied. After a wild pitch from the pressing Cole, Casey Stevenson strokes a clean single into left field, bringing the Anteaters out on to the field in a dogpile. Doesn't get much better than that.

Page 19
Bigfoot, despite appearing in a recent naked game, has struggled on the softball front this quarter. Losing all 8 games played in the regular season, hopes weren't terribly high for the playoffs. Indeed, things started off rocky as the first inning jitters produced a 2-0 deficit. However, the rest of the game became an outright domination, with runners taking extra bases, their mashers hitting their pitchers with balls, and Michael drawing the ire of a opposing girl fan who took offense to his aggressive home plate advancement. To top it all off, Jason hit a monster 3-run shot to put the icing on the cake. VDC Norte-Gao 23, Selva 3.

Page 26
Deciding to stay loyal to your friend, you rush off to the only place you know where you can find a paper bag: The Glass House in Pomona. Despite a haphazard journey that included mysteriously ending up on the 60, heading towards Montclair instead of Diamond Bar in a search for Banana Bay, going back to Pomona but failing to find the elusive Indiana Hills Thai restaurant, the trip was salvaged by delicious iced coffee and $1 strawberry sundae from Mickey D's. Meeting up with a somewhat random but fun group of RK aficionados, it was also your first time seeing Relient K in such a small club venue. While waiting in a long line wrapping around several blocks, your attempts to grow a goatee are noticed for the first time in your life. Rumors that the said facial hair was inspired by Singy were unconfirmed. Runner Runner started the night off, bringing out the teenage girls and emo claws. It was fun making fun of them and their interesting fusion of Metro Station, Simple Plan, All-American Rejects, and the Jonas Brothers in 5 years. Next, Owl City dazzled the stage with its 17 keyboards/synths/laptops, taking you on a starry flight through pleasant looking landscapes. Rainbow Veins, Hello Seattle, Saltwater Room, and On the Wing were nice, but not as nice as the main guy Adam after the show. Of course, Relient K proceeded to dominate the night. Unfortunately for two particular individuals, Matty T decided to skip out on Must Have Done Something Right and Pink Tux, but made up for it with a truly epic Deathbed encore. Just when you were satisfied over a solid concert, Jon Schneck from Relient K walks by, and is nice enough to take a photo with you. Then, in an amazing turn of events, Biff from Back to the Future happens to be at the show, and is nice enough to stop and take a photo as well. Truly on cloud 9 now, you somehow find a 7-11 while images of manure trucks and the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance flash through your head. With a tasty Lemonade Hawaiian Punch Slurpee in hand, you head back home. Who knew that going to look for a paper bag would turn into one of the most memorable nights of your life?

I always liked how you could go and read all three scenarios/possible paths in those books.