miners

Two miners stumble about in a dark cave, wandering about haphazardly until they, by chance, happen to meet where a tiny but vivid glimmer has caught their eye.

It's a gem, a beauty, but mostly submerged in the hard rock floor.

"This will take some effort to work out, but I think the reward could be momentous," says one miner.

To his great joy, the other miner agrees.

The two miners set to work digging and refining the jewel. Unlike other miners who have found a less submerged rock, this one has no clear end date in sight. Still, the time goes by quickly because the miners enjoy working together and spending time together. One can shine the light while another uses his pick-ax, and the two can trade-off when one gets tired.

As time goes on, the miners start to discover a few imperfections within the rock. Few, if any, rocks are completely perfect, but some of these imperfections make it especially difficult to work quickly, as the angle and the fragility of the rock are somewhat more difficult to maneuver than others.

Over time, the other miner grows discouraged at the sight of these imperfections, doubt creeping in her mind.

"These unforeseen difficulties are indeed not ideal, but I think this makes our jewel unique. The imperfections could even turn out to be marks of salience, making our jewel more valuable because of how much effort we put into getting it out of this cave," says the first miner, perhaps overly optimistic about such matters.

As time passes, the jewel has taken on a certain brilliance uniquely chiseled from the distinctive style of the miners. It's clear that either the miners finish the job, or the rock will be abandoned.

Sadly, more than halfway through their excavation, the first miner is left alone with the pick, and no one to hold the light. The jewel, still partly submerged but now representing a fuller picture of its unique characteristics and potential, is left in the dust.

Perhaps there is a perfect diamond out there somewhere, ripe for plucking without imperfection and without difficulty. Or perhaps that was never the point of mining in the first place.

in praise of hymns

When I was a young child, I used to hang out with my grandma while she would play the piano. She mostly stuck to a few standby staples: a Chopin etude, some other Mozart piece, and two hymns -- "Trust and Obey" and "Great is Thy Faithfulness." (There's another incident where she played some new piece, which must have been an emotional one, because for some reason 4-year old me burst out crying. I guess I was easily touched by music from an early age. Another story for another day.)

I always felt Trust and Obey's lyrics were a little too on-the-nose, but Great is Thy Faithfulness became firmly entrenched as one of my favorite hymns that would bring back memories of that piano room in my old St. Louis house.

(Note: I'm lucky enough to have two Christian grandmas who both play the piano, so this story can be told twice. My other grandma favored "I Surrender All" and "It is Well With My Soul," both which will possess a soft spot with me for all eternity.)

This past Sunday during worship, the worship leader transitioned from a few ultra-contemporary worship songs to "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and there was immediately a change in the energy of the church. People who weren't singing before were all of a sudden belting out the lyrics with conviction, even effortlessly breaking into harmony parts. I was doing the same, filled with a joy that accompanies an unexpectedly familiar and powerful hymn. At a certain point, probably with the last stanza and chorus, I decided to stop singing and just listen, and really soak in every lyric.

It was a powerful and tangible reminder of God's presence. Thank you church for that comfort and joy in a time of sadness and hurt.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

the father-son relationship

There aren't many movie scenes that make me tear up, but without a doubt this is one of them.

The father-son dynamic is a powerful and deeply-rooted component of any man's core. For sons, it's invaluable to step back every now and then and really be appreciative of everything your dad's done for you, even if you don't always see eye-to-eye. For fathers, it's important to remember how much your approval and simply being proud of your son means to him.

thanks be to God

At my most down and emotionally hurt time, praise God for sending good friends and the most random little nice moments throughout my day to keep my spirits from drowning in sorrow. When I wasn't sure I'd be able to put on enough of a front to make it through the day, things turned out better than I expected.

I prayed, and he provided in the most subtle but assuredly-divine ways. God is good, all the time.

Three Years

Relationships at this no-longer-a-kid-not-yet-a-grown-up stage of life are tricky for a number of reasons.

Most of us are still changing and growing into who we will fully become.

We are not fully independent (read: limited) -- geographically and financially.

Ultimately, the two possible outcomes only become increasingly palpable, more final in their effect.

But through all that ... it's been three years I wouldn't trade for anything. In many ways, making it through the bumps and bruises results in a more refined and stronger finished product. I am thankful for the present, nostalgic for the past, and excited about the future.

Confidence

As usual, time seems to be flying by. Somehow, I'm already going on four weeks at my new summer externship. In a little more than a month, I'll be packing up once again and heading back up to LA. I'll be starting my first round of interviews for jobs that hopefully turn into my full-time permanent position after graduation, which is an altogether terrifying topic for another day.

***

On Confidence...

As a former sports writer, I would unflinchingly call out the players I thought needed more confidence, noting how they wilted in big situations or after faltering early in the game. In a game recap it was easy to describe confidence as some sort of easily quantifiable thing. 

Now, as I am thrown into frequent new and uncomfortable situations, I find my own confidence being tested all the time. As an extern in the same office with externs from other law schools, I wondered if my research and writing skills are up to snuff. As a free agent softball player, I doubted my ability to play shortstop after making an error in the first game. As an older brother near his siblings once again, I questioned if I was being a good example/role model for them. Clearly, it's much easier to call out the lack of confidence in another than to evict recurring self-doubt from yourself.

My usual eventual response is to reassure myself, a la Julie Andrews having confidence in confidence alone, because it seems like the only option. Instead, looking back I realize I should be having confidence due to God's all-knowing provision and abundance. By myself, I do fall short of just about everything. But with faith and trust in Him, I have the "confidence" needed to fulfill whatever plan God has in-store for me.

a whirlwind

Sitting here packing up my stuff to move out of my apartment for the summer is pretty surreal. My first year of law school is in the books.

Life is only going by faster and faster, and it's scary to look back and think "did I really do everything I could have done in that last week/month/semester?" I know I've shared a similar sentiment before, but moments like these is when it rings true that if we only focus on the finish line and do not cherish the journey, one day we will look back and wonder where our life on this earth has gone.

I'm looking forward to doing and enjoying a lot of different things this summer. It may be one of the last periods of time I get to live with my family, and I think it's important to not take for granted or think of SD as a bland default option.

And because I'm clearly too rusty at this blogging business to come up with a tidy ending myself, I'll share a quote I heard a while ago that I really liked.

God delights in dealing straight blows with crooked arrows.