somewhere between

Growing up can be boiled down to a gradual whittling away of what society deems acceptable for one's life accomplishments and general abilities.

It's okay he can't form sentences, he's only one years old!

It's okay he isn't potty trained, he's only two years old!

It's okay he can't read, he's only three years old!

The excuses of youth continue for a surprisingly long time. Even into your twenties, people have somewhat low expectations of recent college graduates. Even after law school, people have low expectations for those who are just starting out in their careers. 

The built-in excuses and low expectations sunset somewhere around age 30 though. At that point, you aren't expected to be at the height of your career, but you're expected to at least have a career. Maybe you don't own your own property, but people generally start expecting you to not live at home with the parents anymore.  

Heading into my age 30 year, it's something I've been thinking about. We're not old, but we're not in our youth either. We're somewhere in-between, and life starts coming at you real fast.

I'm not all that sure that this prelude is a fitting intro for my annual year-end recap (which is what this started out as). More than anything it comes across as general melancholy, which is not an apt encapsulation of my 2018, so I'll stop here for now. 

UCLA Law Class of 2015, you guys were alright

I graduated from law school this past Friday and it's a surreal feeling. It sounds cliche, but I could not have done it without the consistent support from my friends and family. So grateful for all of the blessings that I have been given over the last three years, and very thankful that I had the opportunity to pursue this additional education in the first place.

In some ways, I feel the same as when I started law school. But then I also look back at everything we've done in a relatively short amount of time, and I kind of marvel at how far we've come. I know that aside from resume accomplishments and more ordinary "law knowledge," I've also gained perspective on the way our country and the world works. I feel like I can now more confidently see all sides of a contentious/political argument, and speak on the matter if need be.

And now, time for some bar studying! Woohoo!

An Homage to University

It's hard to believe I'll be done with my lifetime's worth of schooling in (almost exactly) six months time. Walking around UCLA, I'm from time to time struck by not just the beauty of the campus, but also the unique privilege and environment that makes up my higher education experience.

Clearly, these benefits are not unique to my own experience at UCI and UCLA. A few of the more universal qualities that I will miss about college (and its professional school variations)...

1. A sense of community. This is probably the most missed aspect of school for new grads moving home or to a new setting. There's something comforting about simply seeing a group of people on a near-daily basis, walking the halls, in class, and at class events.
2. The ability to purely learn. Of course there are those who are simply trying to do the bare minimum to graduate, and can't wait to leave school, but for the most part people are paying excessive amounts of money because they have some genuine interest in learning. The freedom to choose your area of interest, and the ability to pursue goals unattached from a direct monetary-sum reward (as in work settings) are equal parts precious and invaluable.
3. A sense of pride in your school. This unifying quality is partly what keeps people so attached to their alma mater, I think. People like to belong to a larger entity, and while there are some elements of this at work, there's nothing quite like showing off your schools' best eats and sights, or cheering for your basketball team or football team.
4. Freedom. Sure there are your occasional enslaughts of exams and papers, but on a day-to-day basis, school affords you unparalleled daily freedom in your schedule. The lack of consequences for missing a day of class and convenience of planning a short trip unhindered are seriously taken for granted.

Okay, enough brown nosing to the higher education system for today. Down with tuition increases, down with the student loan system, down with ugly bureaucratic waste!

reliving the past

Recently some have suggested that my friends and I talk about the past too much.

I thought about the allegation some during my work commute, and ultimately decided that while I did like to relive the good old days more than the ordinary person, that that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. If you dwell in current happenings 100% of the time, life will end up just flying by and the entire journey that got you to where you are today will simply be hazy and forgotten.

With that being said, it has been rewarding to focus on the present this summer in order to set-up a more certain future. Now that one critical step has been accomplished, I will take my time and appreciate the journey that got me here over the last three years, post-college graduation.

Cheers to one more checkpoint in this crazy rat race that is adult life.

Although not the original inspiration for this post, an honorary shout out goes to Allen Craig and Joe Kelly today. Thanks for the memories, fellas. You will be missed with the Birds on the Bat.

you've got a friend in me

As I am currently immersed in the struggle that is finding a job (among other struggles), I've had to do a lot of self-reflection about how to stand out, how to be exceptional, and/or how to wow the interviewer in order to land one of those few coveted offers.

It's a tough situation. Everyone has similarly outstanding credentials, most everyone has the ability to carry conversation without being overtly awkward, and everyone has the mental acumen to do the job if they were given the opportunity. So, it ends up being some hidden little thing that makes someone stand out. Which is hard to stomach.

This thought process led me to thinking about what makes someone special to me as a friend (special friend has a different connotation). I quickly realized that it usually wasn't because they were exceedingly good at some thing. Whether it be a brilliant intellect, amazing athletic ability, virtuoso musical talent, or amazing sense of humor (although this does help), none of these things would automatically draw me to want to be especially close friends with someone.

I thought about it some more, and I realized that many qualities of being a particularly good friend derived from some completely intangible quality, with tangible traits that just about anyone could provide. Common interests obviously help the cause, just because you naturally have more to talk about. Being like-minded in terms of beliefs or what's generally right or wrong also helps. But when it comes down to it, the ability to enjoy each other's company and conversation is a very intangible thing that is hard to quantify. Why do you enjoy Friend X's company? "Because we click." "Because we just get along." "Because they're fun to be around." All somewhat indistinguishable statements that could describe any friendship.

Then, it hit me. Once that certain level of "getting along well" and "enjoying each other's company" requirement is set, what makes a friendship truly special is that person's willingness to be there for you. When you're down, and need to take solace in a familiar face. When you're overjoyed, and want to celebrate the occasion. Your friend is that someone who roots for you at all times, hopes for nothing but the best, and yet sticks by you when you've messed up or things haven't gone your way. Truthfully, just about anyone has the ability to do those things. Most all of us are not TRULY special in terms of some amazing and rare gift. Instead, it's the little things like loyalty, security, comfort, companionship and shared memories that make a friendship truly special.

in praise of hymns

When I was a young child, I used to hang out with my grandma while she would play the piano. She mostly stuck to a few standby staples: a Chopin etude, some other Mozart piece, and two hymns -- "Trust and Obey" and "Great is Thy Faithfulness." (There's another incident where she played some new piece, which must have been an emotional one, because for some reason 4-year old me burst out crying. I guess I was easily touched by music from an early age. Another story for another day.)

I always felt Trust and Obey's lyrics were a little too on-the-nose, but Great is Thy Faithfulness became firmly entrenched as one of my favorite hymns that would bring back memories of that piano room in my old St. Louis house.

(Note: I'm lucky enough to have two Christian grandmas who both play the piano, so this story can be told twice. My other grandma favored "I Surrender All" and "It is Well With My Soul," both which will possess a soft spot with me for all eternity.)

This past Sunday during worship, the worship leader transitioned from a few ultra-contemporary worship songs to "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and there was immediately a change in the energy of the church. People who weren't singing before were all of a sudden belting out the lyrics with conviction, even effortlessly breaking into harmony parts. I was doing the same, filled with a joy that accompanies an unexpectedly familiar and powerful hymn. At a certain point, probably with the last stanza and chorus, I decided to stop singing and just listen, and really soak in every lyric.

It was a powerful and tangible reminder of God's presence. Thank you church for that comfort and joy in a time of sadness and hurt.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

the father-son relationship

There aren't many movie scenes that make me tear up, but without a doubt this is one of them.

The father-son dynamic is a powerful and deeply-rooted component of any man's core. For sons, it's invaluable to step back every now and then and really be appreciative of everything your dad's done for you, even if you don't always see eye-to-eye. For fathers, it's important to remember how much your approval and simply being proud of your son means to him.

Ranch > Two-story

Having lived in both structures for a thorough amount of time now, I just wanted to provide a note to self for the future...

Everyone being on one story promotes community and communication. You get less people separating themselves into their own rooms on different floors with people hollering and replying "WHAT?!" because they're too far away to hear each other. Plus, in the summer time the second floor gets too dang hot.

On a separate but related note: trade that second story in for a basement. Provides the perfect cool (in both senses) hangout place yet with ample communication ability - just a shout downstairs or loud stomp away.

more thoughts on living at home

85% of college grads moving back home. 35% of young people unemployed. These are stats that have been bandied about recently, but it only scratches the surface. The real hardship with living at home is the abrupt departure in community that college grads face; we go from being "kings of the campus" with comfortable circles and familiar faces to the seemingly barren and isolated bottom of life's totem pole.

Beyond not having some of my best friends just a phone call and five minute drive away, my spiritual walk is gasping for air too. I tried my best all of senior year to comprehend and prepare for it - leaving my stable church community and returning to somewhere that is no longer what I am accustomed to or even what I left really. But I guess you can't ever fully prepare for it. "Making your faith your own" was a mantra my older friend imparted on me regarding post-grad life, but now that I actually have to do it... it's tough. Being spoon-fed messages and bible studies and worship practices was like a convenient pull-up machine stand that helped guide my way up. Without it, it's much harder to do pull-ups. (Note: Not saying that it is impossible to find a new church community back here at home, but it is hard to see any fellowship/young adult ministry being as dynamic/intensive as a college group, if for no other reasons than time.)

I've been going over the books in the Gospel recently, and even though they're such familiar stories, it's amazing how you can always glean something new from them. In John 18, Jesus is arrested and Peter denies him three times before the rooster crows. It's an emotional and gripping 40 verses. What's interesting though, is that when the heat of the moment is there, and Jesus is actually getting arrested, Peter has no problem acting out and being the bravest and most action-oriented disciple - he freaking slices off poor Malchus' ear (Another name in the Bible that for some odd reason has not lasted into modern times. Poor Malchus). But then when Jesus is gone and Peter is all of a sudden left alone, he loses the ability to even admit any affiliation with Jesus. On top of this, Jesus had called Peter out beforehand, and predicted that this would happen. If someone says to you "You're totally going to fail me man. Just watch. I know it..." you usually try even harder to not fail that person, if only to prove them wrong. But not Peter. And this is Peter, one of the strongest disciples, that we're talking about.

These next ___ months at home will be interesting, despite being anything but interesting at times. I hope that at the end of it all I can say that I was able to make the most out of it and come away with a faith that is my own, and even stronger than before because of it.