more thoughts on living at home

85% of college grads moving back home. 35% of young people unemployed. These are stats that have been bandied about recently, but it only scratches the surface. The real hardship with living at home is the abrupt departure in community that college grads face; we go from being "kings of the campus" with comfortable circles and familiar faces to the seemingly barren and isolated bottom of life's totem pole.

Beyond not having some of my best friends just a phone call and five minute drive away, my spiritual walk is gasping for air too. I tried my best all of senior year to comprehend and prepare for it - leaving my stable church community and returning to somewhere that is no longer what I am accustomed to or even what I left really. But I guess you can't ever fully prepare for it. "Making your faith your own" was a mantra my older friend imparted on me regarding post-grad life, but now that I actually have to do it... it's tough. Being spoon-fed messages and bible studies and worship practices was like a convenient pull-up machine stand that helped guide my way up. Without it, it's much harder to do pull-ups. (Note: Not saying that it is impossible to find a new church community back here at home, but it is hard to see any fellowship/young adult ministry being as dynamic/intensive as a college group, if for no other reasons than time.)

I've been going over the books in the Gospel recently, and even though they're such familiar stories, it's amazing how you can always glean something new from them. In John 18, Jesus is arrested and Peter denies him three times before the rooster crows. It's an emotional and gripping 40 verses. What's interesting though, is that when the heat of the moment is there, and Jesus is actually getting arrested, Peter has no problem acting out and being the bravest and most action-oriented disciple - he freaking slices off poor Malchus' ear (Another name in the Bible that for some odd reason has not lasted into modern times. Poor Malchus). But then when Jesus is gone and Peter is all of a sudden left alone, he loses the ability to even admit any affiliation with Jesus. On top of this, Jesus had called Peter out beforehand, and predicted that this would happen. If someone says to you "You're totally going to fail me man. Just watch. I know it..." you usually try even harder to not fail that person, if only to prove them wrong. But not Peter. And this is Peter, one of the strongest disciples, that we're talking about.

These next ___ months at home will be interesting, despite being anything but interesting at times. I hope that at the end of it all I can say that I was able to make the most out of it and come away with a faith that is my own, and even stronger than before because of it.

St. Louis/SD

I don't know what it is but in the last couple of weeks, I have had four separate occasions of random people in San Diego acknowledging/talking to me about their connections with St. Louis.

1. We're at the Del Mar Racetrack two weeks ago, and I'm wearing my So Taguchi Cardinals T-shirt Jersey. This girl walks by with her friends/family and points me out, saying "This is what I'm TALKING about! True fans. Go Cardinals!" while walking away. A slightly amused mother quips "..She's from St. Louis."

2. At Starbucks last week, I was minding my own business, studying by myself because this is the sad sad life I lead nowadays I was trying to get some studying done when the guy next to me wearing a UCSD Surgery fleece says "Excuse me, I saw your laptop sticker (STL represent) and was wondering, are you from St. Louis?" "Oh yeah, I grew up there." This turns into a decently long conversation about how he went to medical school there and his various thoughts about how it really is the most dangerous city in America and how his friend is going there for law school. I converse with him about such topics as best as I can before bringing up the fact that there are actually a lot of people I meet in San Diego from St. Louis. He says "really? I don't know many.." when, IMMEDIATELY,

3. Another guy, older in age, looks up from his laptop about 15 feet away from us and says "You guys talking about St. Louis?" Turns out he grew up there "way back in the day." He makes some comments about how it's a great place to grow up (word), whereas the UCSD Surgery rep repeats his thoughts about crime and violence to this new guy. Point proven.

4. At the Padres Marlins game, a nice older lady looks at my scorebook and asks how long I've been doing it for. I say "about ten years" to which she responds "good for you! You know, there's a new book on Stan Musial, my husband is reading it and he is really enjoying it. Just thought you might enjoy it too." I know about this new book because I am a Cardinals fan. I tell her this and the fact that I used to live in St. Louis, and she responds that her and her husband were originally from St. Louis as well. Apparently they used to live around old Busch (not sure I or II) and listen to Harry Carey while simultaneously hearing the crowd reactions from outside the stadium.

There is no real point to all this, but I just thought it was funny and enjoyable. Every time I have one of these sorts of conversations, I feel an odd rush of adrenaline tinged with nostalgia. I'm glad that I grew up in such a different and pride-evoking place. It has definitely added some dimensions to who I am today.

humbling

I knew moving back home would be different, but I never expected it to reveal my inadequacies so blatantly. You expect to have moved on past certain mistakes and boneheaded judgments once you graduate, but evidently that is not the case.

God, thank you for humbling me. Please allow me to be persistent in doing everything I can to follow you and start thinking with more clarity and wisdom.